On Saturday, I took my child to classes. There were parent meetings for four different courses that day, so the schedule was packed from the start.
At the morning meeting, the teacher raised a string of questions:
Is this still the same child we knew? They used to be so motivated—why do they seem unable to keep going now? Why has their dependence on the phone become stronger after entering Grade 8? They attend classes and appear to be working hard, so why are their scores not improving? Why are the subjects that used to be their strengths now starting to drag them down?
For a moment, it felt as if every sentence was describing Coco.
But I soon realized this was not simply “Coco’s problem.” It is something many children at this age are going through. Parents need to communicate in a way that actually helps them get through this stage. That means paying attention to the underlying logic, understanding their emotions, and not rushing to “fix” everything immediately. It also means earning the child’s trust and being careful not to blame them casually.
This is exactly where I often fall short. When I get along with my child, I tend to stare at the problem itself and forget that the child is the real center of the matter.
The teacher then talked about a four-step approach to effective communication: repeat what the child has said and identify the emotion behind it; put yourself in their position and guide them toward a solution; keep your word and apply rewards and consequences with balance; treat learning like a project and review progress in time.
These are things I really need to learn. Being a parent is not easy.
The teacher also summarized the common problems seen in Grade 8 students: schools are highly competitive, students are exhausted; homework piles up, students become worn out; attention is scattered, habits are weak; scores drop, confidence falls with them; work gets finished, but without real engagement; cold treatment replaces communication; once tension escalates, everything can explode. The way the teacher summed it up was simple, but painfully accurate.
Why are children so tired? Is it because competition is intense? Because schools are pushing too hard? Because there is too much homework?
And what is homework actually for?
When a child completes homework, has the purpose really been achieved? Are they repeatedly spending time on things they already know, while avoiding what they have not yet mastered?
On one hand, we worry that children are not working hard enough. On the other hand, what frightens us even more is fake effort.
Real “burden reduction” is not simply doing less. It means identifying what is still unknown. The key is to focus on mistakes, practice them repeatedly, and keep producing output in cycles. Middle school really does feel like arranging troops before a battle. It is hard.
At that moment, I even envied the cat downstairs near the copy shop, lazily looking around without a care.
On the afternoon of November 14, 2024, I attended the parent meeting after the school’s midterm exams. The homeroom teacher also brought up the same phrase: “fake effort.”
After listening to each subject teacher speak with such earnest concern, and then looking at my child’s exam results, I suddenly felt the weight of the road ahead. For a moment, my heart became very fragile.
But I know we have to become stronger—both me and my child. At any time, our effort is not too late. We need to move. Action has the greatest power.
The teachers listed several signs of fake effort:
In class, the child only takes notes but does not really listen to what the teacher is explaining, and does not try to understand the material after class.
The child keeps doing exercises, but never solves the problems that appear along the way.
They look very hardworking every day, but never have a clear goal.
They make careful plans, but never stick to them.
They arrive early in the morning only to compare answers with classmates, instead of previewing or reviewing.
When they encounter a question they cannot solve, they immediately look at the answer. Before examples and basic questions are fully mastered, they rush into doing more practice questions.
A task that could be finished in one hour is dragged out to three or four hours.
During holidays, under the name of “relaxing,” they squander time on novels, games, and variety shows.
They tell teachers and parents they are working hard, but their daily homework is not finished, and the mistakes in their homework are never corrected.
To deal with fake effort, children need to study seriously, learn to think actively, and become good at summarizing.
Parents also have to play the role of supervision and encouragement properly. On weekends and holidays, electronic devices should be used only after homework is completed, and the total time should stay within one hour. From Monday to Friday, phones should be firmly off-limits. If the rules are not followed, phone use should be banned for a month.
The desk used for homework should be clean. Parents should remind children not to stay up late and should set time limits for homework, but should not nag endlessly. If the child still has energy after completing the required work, an appropriate amount can be added.
Parents do not need to check every answer for right or wrong. What matters more is helping the child clarify direction and goals. We can take them to visit well-known schools, watch meaningful films with them, and help them learn more about how accomplished people grew up.
And one thing must be firm: do not blindly defend the child. In every situation, first understand what really happened, and then educate.